Milestone 6-Leaving Home

(Taken from Southern Baptist Texan, June 24, 2012)

VIDOR– College is a time when Christians have their faith challenged and even demeaned on secular campuses. So Tony Romero, director of Collegiate Ministries at FBC, Vidor, and Lance Crowell, SBTC church ministries associate, offered several tips for parents who want to help their children stay grounded to the faith through college:

> Realize that a Christian upbringing does not guarantee a strong walk with Christ through college. “No matter how well (parents) prepare their kid, no matter how awesome that kid was in church, and how exposed to the Scripture he was, whenever they graduate and go to school, [their faith] is going to have to become theirs.” Romero said. “They’re going to have to own it.” He added that Christian instruction at home and in a church youth group provides a “valuable foundation” for a godly living in college.

> Urge your children to participate in a Bible study with Christian peers during the college years. This is the best ways to solidify Christian faith in a student’s heart, Romero said. One key purpose of a college Bible study is to teach the overarching narrative of Scripture so students realize how the entire Bible fits together. “They need to be engaged in a Bible study among peers, “ he said. “Not a lecture, but rather a guided discussion where you have someone there who, it they start picking up some heresy, is able to address that. Crowell agreed that peer group Bible study is important, and he added that students should not isolate themselves from study opportunities with the larger church body.

.>Be patient. Your children are in an awkward phase between adolescence and adulthood.

“They’ve been told they’re adults, but they’re not really adults yet.” Romero said, “because they haven’t quite got the experiences that qualify them for adulthood. And they don’t really know who they are and what they want to do and where they want to go.”

> Don’t pressure your children into a certain career path. Teach them that security comes from walking with God, regardless of what job they choose. “They’re going to use this time in their life to discover what it is that God’s gifted them with that they’re going to find fulfillment in, “ he said.

>Help your children take on some “real-world” responsibilities in college to learn principles of decision making. “Give them a little bit of freedom to make the tough decisions without influencing every little thing they do,” Romero said. “When they fail, allow them to fail. They’ll learn from that. But so often, parents don’t want them to fail. So they’ll cushion everything, and then by the time it’s their turn to make really tough decisions, they’re either extremely indecisive or they fail and never get back up.” Find a church the student can invest in as well as connect with. “We believe that as hard as it is to find a new church and to connect well, they have to find a local body of believers in a local church to invest in. We see this as foundational for them and formative for them for years to come, “ Crowell said.*

My Child Doesn't Want to go to Church- Part 6 (final)

Schedule Input
We've been talking about being GIVERS and the challenge of getting our students to church (or, really, getting ourselves to church.) After church, spend a couple of minutes talking about the day. Who did we greet? Who did we help? Who were new friends we met? Remember what is said and use these things to quiz your students about the Sunday events during the week. The time to prepare for next Sunday is this Sunday,

Here's reality. You do everything you can to get your students to come to church with you. They come, seem to enjoy it, and when they get 18, graduate from high school, go off to college or begin a career, they quit coming to church. Wait! Wasn't there a guarantee? What went wrong? What did I forget? Probably not one thing. As a parent, we can only do what God directs us to do. He tells us to lead our family in the things of God. We are responsible to a point. Eventually, every tub sets on its own bottom. (My way of saying, "Eventually, everyone has to make a personal choice how they will serve and honor God.)

Do not give up. If you have no plan, offer no direction, I can give you ONE guarantee: our students will not have a standard by which they follow. Help them make the choice for God while you can..

Gather Friends
Intentional Talk
Verify Attitude
Enter Early on Sunday
Rehearse the Day
Schedule Input

Am I a GIVER or a Taker? Our students are watching.

My Child Doesn't Want to go to Church- Part 5

Rehearse The Day
Not many people can process big events or decisions in an instant. Students need reminders about church before Sunday arrives. To wake up the family on Sunday and announce, "Let's get ready for church," may be the only thought a student may have had about church, God or spiritual things all week long. Share things the family plans to do on Sunday starting a day or two before Sunday morning arrives. Getting the details about any sleepovers, visits or interruptions to the schedule out in the open on a Thursday or a Friday, gives Sunday an opportunity to be a day the family anticipates and even looks forward to.

Dad, consider starting a Family Time once a week that sets the family thinking about Sunday. Do everything you can to make Sunday worship and Bible study happen. It is amazing what small, temporal things can come up and "buy off" all our good intentions, planning and practices when Sunday rolls around. If parents PLAN for Sunday worship and Bible study, it will probably happen. If you have NO plan, anything will be the highest bidder for the most important day of the week. The goal here is thoroughness: knowing what factors will diminish my effectiveness for God if neglected.

My Child Doesn't Want to go to Church.- Part 4

Enter Early on Sunday-

This is a challenge, especially if there are younger children in the family which may require more hands on preparation for church. This, however, can be an unexpected blessing. You now get the opportunity to greet people, rather than being greeted. Our church has a great HOST Ministry which offers so many possibilities for families and their students.

I find it useful to use some extra minutes preparing for Bible study or worship. Why rush into the most important one or two hours each week? If there are few people in your student's assembly room, take time to go with them and help them discover a place to plug in. Volunteer to bring donuts, straighten the room, or help with any last minute preparations Mark or others may need. This is a great time to build relationships with those who your students interact with or who guide them through the Bible and into life applications.

Initiative. This takes initiative. Initiative is looking for ways to serve, especially in areas others may overlook. Usually families don't stick because they aren't involved. Students especially need significance. We all need something to look forward to. Enter early on Sunday. Try it!

If you are interested in the HOST Ministry, see Aaron Franklin.

My Child Doesn't Want to go to Church-Part 3

Verify Attitude


"What does Jesus expect me to do?" Isn't that the real question we must ask ourselves and our students? Parents can't be at two places at the same time, but God can. Somehow we must help our children make the jump from what we want and expect them to do to "What does the Lord expect me to do?" This takes consistent reminders that God is at work in our family and our individual lives. It does matter what others expect me to do, but it matters even more what the Lord wants.

For parents, this means we pray about stuff- all the stuff, all the time! Our students must see that we take it all to God. This makes it simpler to give God the credit rather than taking the credit for what happens in my life.

Perhaps you can begin to see where this settles out. There are two types of people: givers and takers. If we can give God the credit, our children will begin to hear, see and follow the example of a life surrendered to God.

Gather Friends.
Intentional Talk.
Verify Attitude.

Shouldn't we be givers?

My Child Doesn't Want to go to Church-Part 2

Intentional mentoring.

This one is a challenge. I can't expect my child to go any farther than I have lead them. Granted, there may come a time when their heart for God and worship exceeds ours, but until that happens parents must do things deliberately, thoughtfully and craftily. Our goal is to guide their souls without breaking their spirit. Ask yourself: "Am I guilty of the same offense I am trying to build in my children?" Or, "Am I persistent in my worship and Bible study attendance, no matter what?"

John 1:46 (HCSB)⁴⁶ "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Nathanael asked him. "Come and see," Philip answered.

Come and see. Not Go and see. Each child needs a persistent guide if they are to ever discover the usefulness of regular worship and Bible study.This is not a self-guided tour. So, how's our habit of worship and study going? Barna research reveals that at the age of 18, 78% of students abandon their faith upbringing. To me that says there may be a 78% inconsistency issue in our homes. Not always, but something is at work.

Take time to talk about worship, Bible study and ministry throughout the week. We shouldn't expect to "spring" church on our students on Saturday night or Sunday and expect to gather a crowd. Do a little each day of the week. Water your garden with a garden hose , not a fire hose!

My child doesn’t want to go to church.

I see this happen too often. A child doesn’t want to go to church or Bible study, or they don’t think they fit in the group designed for them or there isn’t a group for them. What can parents do? There’s got to be an answer. The answer isn’t to drag them to church. They are usually too big or old for this (and they are probably bigger than us, anyway.) Parents, we’re not off the hook on this one. In fact, we are the key to our children coming to church and discovering that it is important and fulfilling, (OK. It’s fun!)

Gather Friends
One reason children resist coming (oops. I believe we started using the work “going”) is that they “won’t know anybody.” NOTE: Going implies “You need to GO to church.” Coming says, “We’ll pave the way by being a good example.” While parents can’t guarantee who will be there that their child knows, we can do a couple of things.
· Invite one of their friends to come with your family one Sunday. This will require a little advanced effort. Call the friend’s parents and ask permission, preferably earlier in the week. Waiting to the last minute only adds to the challenge. If a sleepover happens on Saturday, make coming to church a requirement (for the student and their friend) for the sleepover. Not every sleepover needs church attendance as a requirement, but we are looking for something that gets the family to church. This week a sleepover, and next week something else. If your child sleeps over at another home, make sure they know the family plans to pick them up, and perhaps the friend, before church. The goal is consistency.
· Call other parents in the student group and see if their student is going. Networking works for the parents just like it works for the students. The goals are only different in the beginning. Other parents will appreciate knowing that they are not alone in the challenge of getting children to come to church.

More in the next part.