Landmark 6- Leaving Home

When I returned from Texas A & M University, my father asked me to come help him at work for about 6 months. His office manager had some health issues and he needed time to find another one. I knew the industry and said OK. Six months turned in to one year and then 18 years. I thought that during that time I would just move back home and back into my room. It was as if I had only been gone for 4 years. My Dad said, "NO!" He and Mom had gotten used to the empty nest and I had to find my own place. They had prepared for me to leave home following high school graduation.

Someone said that humans are the only species that let their young return home. It is a landmark when our students prepare to graduate, leave home and start their own lives, following their own values. Whether it is public, private or home school, our students graduate and make this next landmark.

When our oldest graduated from homeschooling, we gathered all those important people in his life and had a celebration. We gave him a diploma, a class ring and he went to work. He stayed for a while until me found a place to live and has never looked back.

When our youngest graduated from homeschooling, we had his set of influential people over for a celebration. We gathered under the magnolia tree in our yard which bore yearly carvings of dates as the he climbed that tree and made his mark growing up. Then he was off to college.

Before they left, we spoke blessing into their lives. They had life skills, money sense, a love for God's Word and a strong support group.

Jan & I hoped we had given enough of the right stuff to each so they could be responsible on their own. Jan had poured scripture into their hearts and taught them where to find answers in God's Word. In preparing them to leave home, we took them with us rather than sending them alone on mission trips, retreats and special events. We wanted them to know we were their peer group. Sure, they had friends, but our design was to have them trust in God who was with them at all times, especially when they left home.

Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

No one raises perfect children. That's why we pray for them at all times. That never stops no matter where they are or how old they get.

Landmark 5- Rite of Pasage

Transition. It is a time when one goes from:

• A lover of self to a lover of God.
• Doing childish things to doing mature things.
• Being served to serving.

This is a time discovering your biblical role, whether as a man or a woman. It is a time of knowing who we are in Christ. For a young man, it is learning why you made a covenant with your eyes. For a young lady, it is keeping your heart with all vigilance. (Prov. 4:23) For a parent, it is a time to transfer to a new role, one of giving godly advice and allowing God to guide our son's and daughter's hearts. This is a time for parents to discover that they have partners in ministry in their sons and daughters. Make this is a season of celebration with friends and family.

There will be more on this when a parent shares his experience in celebrating this time of transition for his sons.

Milestone 4- Purity (part 2)

How can we help our students win the purity battle? One skirmish at a time. Often I lose the war in an area of my life because I try to take back what was lost in just one battle. We regain the ground the same way we gave it up. One step at a time. I can't get to a place tomorrow if I don't know where I am today. What areas have I given up in the area of purity? Often I can't begin to name all the places I left my character. A little here and a little there. This endeavor, that hobby, over there. Only God knows and so I begin by asking Him to find all the pieces to purity in the life of my student. (Good practice for this is asking God to re-unite all the pieces of my heart in the area of purity. He'll do it.)

Friends. What friendships do I need to encourage in the life of my student? Remember, our goal is purity. If our student doesn't have any good friends, that's where I start. Be creative in the way you inquire about friends. Get involved at whatever level you are allowed and work from there. If you vote your stock too soon by saying "because I'm your father", we'll suffer a set back. Ask questions. Don't preach sermons.

Dating and courtship. One comment: Treat your spouse in a way your student will want to treat their opposite sex friends. For the student, purity is modeled in the life of the parent.

Boundaries. Yes. And lots of them. Let students watch you build the fences. Talk to them so they know why we observe limitations. Many of our boundaries deal with issue of time. "When can I...?" Even as students grow up, talk about how important right timing is in every process of life

Celebrate Find one thing to remind students about purity. Every time they see that special object, hear a certain code word, or recall a person, they associate this image with a vow to purity. For some, it may be a ring or an annual event or a personal gift. I'll never forget a conversation with my father in the area of purity and faithfulness. When I wondered one time how he was able to remain faithful to my Mom. he responded, "Wasn't that what I was supposed to do?" Someone modeled purity for him and so I was able to model purity for my sons. Can it be this simple? Yes! Note: I didn't say is was easy.

Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

Milestone 4- Purity

This is a tough one. Not because we can't experience purity in our life, but because the odds are against us. Barna & Gallup polls reveal that 9 out of 10 Christians do not live the Christ life they confess. That is pressure we don't need. The world values alone are hard combatants, but "we are our own worst enemy" when it comes to purity. Usually we associate purity with "things we do" but the headwaters of purity lie in the "things we are."

Students are looking in a lot of places for their identity and values. Often they leave home with one set of values (Dan & Mom's), usually good ones, only to jettison them along the way as they develop their own "new" set of values. Every day our students wrestle with surroundings of inferiority, conformity, independence and for sure, questions about love. How can we be pure in a impure world?

One word: FRIENDS! Andy Stanley said, "Show me your friends and I will tell you your future." What kind of friends do my son or daughter have? Do they support the pure values of God's Word? This not only refers to real friends, but made up friends also. TV, video and movie friends. Do you find it alarming that we will invite some people into our living rooms through a TV program that we would never allow through our front door? What kind of friends have I exposed my self and my family to?

Now that the TV is off, how can I help my student develop healthy friendships? Or, how can I help my child loosen the grip of wrong friends?

More in part 2.

Milestone 3- Preparing for Adolescence

Three things help guide this stage in our student's life:

• Scripture


• Peer Groups


• Time

During this time, nothing lasts like scripture. The Bible is our best ally when it comes to preparation. There is more hope for understanding God's Word than there is understanding hormone changes, growth spurts, and increased appetites. A student's desire to belong gels during this time and the budget takes a huge hit if students wake up and decide they want to try and keep up with the latest fashion. During this time, be sure your student knows the value of God's Word, especially memorizing and owning it. If they know what God wants them to do, they'll think twice before doing what the wrong crowd is doing.

Peer groups are very influential. Try this: Change their peer group. Parents would do better if students looked up to their parents rather that friends who stand and fall at the least wind. This comes when parents spend time with their students. Please, don't give me the come back "I spend quality time (vs. Quantity time) with them." Any time spent with students is quality time. Be different and spend lots of time with them. The wrong peer group will do this if you don't want to do it. If you don't know what your students are doing, you're not spending time with them. Learn their likes, hangouts, tastes, and favorite music, books and videos. Be courageous if some of their desires need stern course corrections.

The last thing concerns time. Take time to help them see their value and worth. Take time to show them what is really important in life. Be sure, though, that our actions as parents back up our words. This is the greatest thing we can offer at this stage of life: consistency. Allow them time to be independent. This is a time of "firsts" for our students. First love (or crush). First time on their own (trip to mall with friends). First test of values, morals and trusts.

Help students interpret some of these changes even before they face them. Without judging people, take them to places to watch people and discuss actions, values and consequences. Perhaps select a place farther away from home so that the student can learn with a crowd they might not have contact with again. Help them to uncover the deceit in advertising, store front images and movies they might watch. There is no better use of time than these adolescent years.

Try the resource below for extend talks with your students on these issues:
ʺPreparing for Adolescenceʺ (Dr. James Dobson) • 738304 • 8 CD Album (includes 6 CDs for teen/pre‐teens, and 2 leadership CDs for parents)
Dr. Dobson brings the conversational warmth straight to you and your adolescent. Among the many topics

Milestone 2 (continued)

Baptism is a beautiful picture of the inward commitment a person makes to follow Christ as Savior, but it is more. So often children will come and say, "I want to be baptized." What an opportunity that follows as parents can take them through the things they need to know and the actions they need to take. Sometimes they see someone baptized and want to do likewise, but they don't understand why a person is baptized.

I tell people to invite all their friends, family, unbelievers they know so everyone can see the commitment which has already been made to receive Jesus as Savior. Baptism is a celebration for everyone. It is the best opportunity a new believer has to tell a lot of people about their new life in Christ (Rom. 6:5) The word baptize means "to dip". People who were baptized in the New Testament "came up out of the water" following their "dipping."

Acts 8:37-39 (New American Standard Bible)
37And Philip said, "If you believe with all your heart, you may." And he answered and said, "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God."]
38And he ordered the chariot to stop; and they both went down into the water, Philip as well as the eunuch, and he baptized him.
39When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord snatched Philip away; and the eunuch no longer saw him, but went on his way rejoicing.

According to the New Testament practice, baptism was by immersion or dipping and followed salvation.

Comments on Infant baptism: This isn't seen in the New Testament and was first mentioned in history 200 years after Christ Some practice this as as way of securing the infant's salvation until the child can be confirmed later as they have maturity in their understanding. Others practice infant baptism saying that a child is likely to become a believer as the parents demonstrate a Christ-likeness in the home. In either situation, a child has to make this decision concerning salvation for themselves

Baptism is to be a decision of the new believer after they receive Christ as Savior and not prior to salvation and certainly not a decision someone else makes for the child.

I remember the day I accepted God's gift of salvation on April 17, 1967 and was baptised the following Sunday. I celebrate that day every year. Make salvation and baptism a time of celebration.

Milestone 2

Milestone 2 Deals with Salvation and Baptism. Studies show that most people who receive Jesus as Savior do this between the ages of 6 & 12. The older a person gets the less likely they are to become a Christian. Perhaps your own experience reflects these findings. These are certainly God Moment years for our children, As Christian parents, we look forward to the days when our child becomes a Christian.

There are 3 things to concentrate on during this Milestone:

1. We need to teach them what they need to know
2. We need to be diligent (consistent & intentional) in teaching them what to do
3. We need to follow the direction of the Holy Spirit

John 3:16 covers the first two:

• God Loved
• God Gave
• We believe
• We receive

As you get closer to this milestone, you will discover more about these two in the Parent Summit that will be planned later in the year.

What about the Holy Spirit in the part of salvation? God is always moving. As parents, our challenge is to pray (our greatest ally in Milestones) and watch (sometimes the hardest thing to do.)

Our prayers are to be centered on God's activity in our child's life. Is my child asking questions about spiritual things? Do I see them mimicking my activities (reading the Bible, praying, singing, etc.)? Do I see pieces of their spiritual journey coming together? This may be the activity of God's Spirit. Take every occasion to talk to your children when you see them showing interest or asking questions about things they see in church and worship.

Remember this: A child can believe what a child can believe. Their level of processing information is at a child's level of thinking. Don't expect them to think mature, adult thoughts about God. Frankly, their child-like thoughts are probably closer to God's ideals that our point of view.

Two cautions: Even though we may not see changes in our child's attitude toward spiritual things, they may still be picking up some ideas about God. Also, don't be tempted to force a decision on your child they are not ready to make. They may be able to give lots of examples of sin in general, but if they can't see their personal sin, the time may not be right. Let God continue to work.

More about celebration of Milestone 2 and baptism next time.